If you were coming in the fall,
I'd brush the summer by
With half a smile and half a spurn,
As housewives do a fly.

If I could see you in a year,
I'd wind the months in balls,
And put them each in separate drawers,
Until their time befalls.

If only centuries delayed,
I'd count them on my hand,
Subtracting till my fingers dropped
Into Van Diemen's land.

If certain, when this life was out,
That yours and mine should be,
I'd toss it yonder like a rind,
And taste eternity.

But now, all ignorant of the length
Of time's uncertain wing,
It goads me, like the goblin bee,
That will not state its sting.

- Emily Dickinson -

i've always loved this poem...
i think in the past every time ive come across it ive had someone in my life i could kind of/sort of apply it to, whether it be a boyfriend (rare) or the latest crush-o-the-month (much more common).
its really very odd to now have absolutely, 100%, not-even-a-glimmer of an applicable someone.....and to be so strangely ok with that.i've always loved this poem...
i think in the past every time ive come across it ive had someone in my life i could kind of/sort of apply it to.
its really very odd to have absolutely, 100%, not-even-a-glimmer of it.....and to be so strangely ok with that.

here's another good one:

Heart, we will forget him!
You an I, tonight!
You may forget the warmth he gave,
I will forget the light.

When you have done, pray tell me
That I my thoughts may dim;
Haste! lest while you're lagging.
I may remember him!

- Emily Dickinson -

again, absolutely no one to apply it to, but it's a beautiful piece of poetry, is it not?

i just realized i know someone in the dc area who has access to lights and softboxes and all kinds of photography toys.
so we're gonna start shooting stuff.
im EXCITED.
:-D

last night was poker night.
Josh won (of course) but both my roommates showed some IMPRESSIVE skills and held on til the bitter end.
i was like the 2nd person to go out. out of like 10 people.
HA! oh well. i bought the prize, so it would have been silly to win anyway.



our fish (well, Carrie's fish), Ruby, died last night trying to escape her bowl.
poor thing.
i do find it a bit ironic though, considering the day....




speaking of which, JESUS ROSE TODAY.
well, not TODAY today. but, you know...
2000 years ago today
(by the way, how long before we start changing that date and saying like "2009 years ago" or something?
ive been hearing "2000 years" for the past 26...shouldnt that number change eventually?)

but yes, anyway....i am eternally greatful for the gift of His grace.
i am a dirty rotten sinner and am ALL too aware of it. but HIS grace and HIS strength and HIS blood are enough to cover me
i am so undeserving, Jesus....
but i love you all the more because of that.

yep.

LOVE this.





but here's something i dont love: ANTS. bah!
(i also dont love working one-day trips on a sunday.)

"this Book will keep you from sin

...or sin will keep you from this Book."

- Vance Havner -

Blessed is the man
who does not walk in the counsel of the wicked
or stand in the way of sinners
or sit in the seat of mockers.
But his delight is in the law of the LORD,
and on his law he meditates day and night.

Psalm 1:1-2

FEED ON THE WORD OF GOD
and pay attention to what you hear!

also, live in the fear of God!!!

But with you there is forgiveness;
therefore you are to be feared.

Psalm 130:4

do you realize who He IS??

i feel like everything becomes monotonous to me eventually--every hobby, every thrill, every relationship, every job.
eventually, i lose interest.
eventually, i become dissatisfied.
and i hate being dissatisfied.
but more often than not, that's where i am.
i thrive on constant newness.

what does that mean i'm supposed to do with my life then?
am i doomed to wander in endless tedium and restlessness?

life as it is now leaves me too much time on my hands.
too much time to think, to dwell on my current situations, be inside my own head, entirely internally focused,
thereby increasing my desperation for something more than this.
is the solitary life unhealthy for me, i wonder? do i need the distraction and stimulation of one or more people to keep me going?
"life"--what it's supposed to be, in my opinion--is more exciting than this.
it demands more of my attention, it demands action.
"life" means more things should be going on--more events, more projects, more things i HAVE to or NEED to do, not just WANT to do
(because i am a horrible self motivator, and things based solely on my desire to do them quickly go by the wayside...
i rapidly lose interest, even in things i love)
"life" means busy-ness, action, excitement, alleviation of boredom, thrills, wonder, purpose.


my current "life" is a mindless wandering in a waiting room disguised as a scintillating adventure.
really it's just a quasi-predictable to and fro shuffle, filled with crossword puzzles, coffee,
mindless petty conversation, and books filled with OTHER people's adventures.

i want a great story.
i want more ELEMENTS of story in my life...more elements of plot.
i want foreshadowing, inciting force, conflict, rising action, crisis, climax, falling action, resolution
over and over and over again.

basically i just want to live in a really good movie.
i want an elaborate plot filled with constant surprise and unpredictability.

maybe i need to become an actress.
HA!
oh the horror...




dear sweet Jesus, reveal your grand story for my life
cause i'm growing increasingly restless in the waiting.

Though the fig tree does not bud
and there are no grapes on the vines,
though the olive crop fails
and the fields produce no food,
though there are no sheep in the pen
and no cattle in the stalls,

yet I will rejoice in the LORD,
I will be joyful in God my Savior.

The Sovereign LORD is my strength;
he makes my feet like the feet of a deer,
he enables me to go on the heights.

Habakkuk 3:17-19

this is my heart tonight.

and i may not be one for the CCM, but this chorus is just too dead on right now:

as the thunder rolls
I barely hear You whisper through the rain,
"I'm with you"
and as Your mercy falls
I raise my hands and praise
the God who gives and takes away.

And I'll praise you in this storm
and I will lift my hands
for You are who You are
no matter where I am
and every tear I've cried
You hold in your hand
You never left my side
and though my heart is torn
I will praise You in this storm

hey so is it true that guys, for the most part, prefer longer hair on girls?

if youre a guy, please share your thoughts.
if youre a girl, well...feel free to speculate.

i must say, if this IS true, then i find it horribly and wonderfully ironic that i look way better with short hair.
ha!
my life is just full of ironies these days...

love it :-)

its official.
i was right.
damn.



Jesus be glorified.
im here for You and You alone, not for...that.
dont let me forget it, ok?
i love You.

be enough.

sometimes i hate being so intuitive.

its a curse. seriously. ugh.


but whatever.
its all for the best. let it be, let it be, let it be.

do you ever just want to scrap your current life and start over?

sometimes i just get so frustrated with the way things are playing out.... i wish i had some sort of control over it, but of course i don't.
i mean, don't get me wrong... on the whole, life is actually pretty good right now
(well, apart from the whole money thing--namely being that i don't have any)
but all it takes is one little hiccup. actually, just one little GLIMMER of the POSSIBILITY of a hiccup, and suddenly that's all i can think about.
i hate that.

but i'm gonna try to look at the upside and ignore that possibly-crummy part.
cause i really just shouldn't care.
maybe that's what's bothering me--the fact that i care at all.
i'm completely dedicated to not caring about that particular aspect of life.
and yet, here i am, going against everything i've been adamantly against and WANTING something i shouldn't want.
that i DON'T want.

what am i doing?
gosh i'm such a fool...


in other wholly unrelated news,
i'm going gluten free for lent
HA!
no but seriously, i am.
a friend of mine already cant have gluten, so we're used to taking that into consideration when we have parties and whatnot
and now my mom's bein' told by her doc to cut it out of her diet too
so i figure...what better time to give it a whirl and see what that life would be like?

granted, with my job i have a feeling its going to be STINKIN' HARD.
but its only 40 days (less now, actually, since i had a wedding to go to first), and i've been through worse.

so... yeah.
gluten deprivation begins NOW!!


oh yes, and for the first time ever
i get to play Beulah (my guitar, for those of you not keeping up) tomorrow at church.
just for one song that i'm leading, but still.
its thrilling.
and frankly, overwhelmingly terrifying.


yep.

I eagerly expect and hope that I will in no way be ashamed,
but will have sufficient courage so that now as always Christ will be exalted in my body, whether by life or by death.

- Philippians 1:20 -

yesterday had all the makings of being a very bad day:
3 hours of sleep, a phone call from work at 3:38am assigning me a check-in at 7:12am,
a 4 hour flight out to Denver with a really long delay before we even took off...which made our day feel exceptionally long before it ever even started,
..and then we mis-connected (which was actually the fun part) due to the delay.

awesome.

so typically on such days my attitude would be less than "peachy"
but before it all began--before i even set foot in the airport, actually--i prayed.
i prayed that grace and love would pour out in every action and word , and that HIS name would be glorified through it all.
and i smiled--one big determined grin that declared "i AM going to be happy today. JOY IS NOT CONTINGENT ON MY CIRCUMSTANCES!"

and you know what?
it turned out to be a pretty great day.
i mean, nothing about the day itself stood out as particularly fantastic
but my ATTITUDE....well, my attitude was pretty stinkin' grand.
when i smiled and said "good morning", "how are you?", "thank you" and "have a nice day", i meant it.
i CARED.
i had JOY.


God is so stupendously sweet.

you want funny? here's funny:




and classically awesome:

RCC Baptisms Winter 2009 from matt morgan on Vimeo.



what a great night :-D

watch this

and read this (directly quoted from my pal Parker's blog):

GOOD GRIEF // Anyone paying attention to what is going on in Washington ? Massive spending and government expansion
in the name of stimulating the economy, to the depressing tune of $825 BILLION. Do we have that money available? Will it work? This is a spending bill, not a stimulus bill.
Broken down, only twelve cents of ever dollar maybe could be argued is going towards something with stimulative effect. It's chock-full of non-solution spending.
For instance, for every $1 in tax relief spent for small businesses, the current plan will spend over $12 buying new alternative-energy cars for the federal government.
This is is more of the same, but worse. Can we stop royally screwing things up for our kids and grandkids?

ECONOMIC BASICS // Ok, so the government tires to pump money in to the economy to stimulate it. (basically from a liberal philosophy, but Bush did it too.)
Ok, where does this money come from? Congress does not have a vault of trillions waiting to be distributed. Therefore, every dollar Congress "injects" into the economy
must first be taxed or borrowed out of the economy. No new wealth is created, its just moved around by the government. The government can create new spending power
by printing more money, HOWEVER, this causes inflation and disastrous damage to the value of our dollar and we've done plenty of that. PLEASE, NO MORE.

The economy is revved up by the creation of new wealth -- AMERICANS WORKING AND EARNING NEW MONEY i.e. JOBS. Good lasting American jobs are best created
by the free enterprises of American businessmen and women, not the government. Relieving tax burden helps businesses afford to make new ventures, expand, and hire new employees,
instead of laying them off. How can the government best contribute to creating and sustaining jobs and therefore stimulate the economy? CUT TAXES. Please, President Obama,
that would be real and effective change. Yesterday, Obama actually sounded like Reagan:

"In the end, the answer to our economic troubles rests less in my hands or in the hands of our legislators than it does with America's workers and the businesses that employ them.
They are the ones whose efforts and ideas will determine our economic destiny just as they always have, for in the end it's businesses -- large and small -- that generate the jobs,
provide the salaries, and serve as the foundation on which the American people's lives and dreams depend. All we can do, those of us here in Washington,
is to help create a favorable climate in which workers can prosper, businesses can thrive, and our economy can grow."

YES!! BUT THE PROBLEM IS THIS: THE BILL HE'S PUSHING DOES NOT WALK-THE-WALK OF THAT STATEMENT!
THIS on the other hand, makes brilliant sense, and it is truly "bi-partisan" as President Obama claims to care about.
[CONTRIBUTING LINKS: Heritage Foundation // Congressman Eric Cantor video + blog post, thanks, Candace, for the GB video link]

WHAT I HATE ABOUT WINTER :



static.

i wrote things.
on my other blog.
but i dont know who reads this one...
so i dont want to write them here.

yeah.

so....our lights are still up. yep.
and they're goin' nowhere fast


(my roommate plays the drums. the guitars are mine.)

(this is our living room.)

(oh yes, and we rock.)








this little guy also rocks.

How To Practice Being a Flight Attendant

Go to a resale store and find an old, navy suit that an army sergeant might have worn. Add a white shirt and a tie. Wear that same outfit for three consecutive days.

Go to an airport and watch airplanes take off for several hours. Pretend you are standing-by hoping to get a seat on one of them and they are all full. Go home. Return to the airport the very next day and do the same thing again.

Fill several large boxes with rocks. Lift them over your head and place them on the top shelf of a closet. Violently shove as many heavy items into the leftover space as you can without anything hanging over the edge of the shelf. Do this until you feel a disc slip in your back.

Turn on a radio. Be sure to set it between stations so there is plenty of static. Turn on the vacuum cleaner and garbage disposal. Run them all night.

Remove the covers from several T.V. entrees. Place them in a hot oven. Leave the food in the oven until it's completely dried out. Remove the hot trays with your bare hands. Serve to your family. Don't include anything for yourself. Serve your family a beverage one hour after they've received their meal. Make them remain in their seats during this time. Ask them to scream at you and complain about the service. Scrounge uneaten rolls off the plates for you to eat 6 hours later when you're really hungry. Place a straight-backed chair in a closet facing a blank wall. Use a belt to strap yourself into it. Eat the rolls you saved from your family's meal.

Ask your family to use the bathroom as frequently as possible. Tell them to remove their shoes and socks before entering, and see who can make the most disgusting mess.

Make a narrow aisle between several dining room chairs and randomly scatter your husband's runners and loafers along the way. Turn off the lights and spend the night walking up and down the aisle while banging your shins against the chair legs and tripping over the shoes. Drink several cups of cold coffee to keep yourself awake.

Gently wake your family in the morning and serve them a muffin in a package. Don't forget to smile and wish them a nice day when they leave for work and school.

After the family leaves, take a suitcase and go out into the yard. If it's not raining, turn on the sprinkler system and stand in the cold for 30 minutes pretending like you're waiting for the crew bus to pick you up for the hotel. Then go inside and wait by your bedroom door for another 30 minutes for an imaginary maid to make up your room.

Change into street clothes and shop for 5 hours. Pick up carry-out food from a local deli or 7-Eleven. Go back home. Sit on your bed and eat your meal. Set your alarm clock for 03:00 am so you'll be ready incase you don't get your wake up call. Repeat the above schedule for three days in a row and you'll be ready to work your first international flight!



(please note: i did NOT write this. i edited bits and pieces, but i cant take credit for the brilliance of this post. sorry to mislead, if i did in fact mislead.)