Monday, December 29, 2008

How To Practice Being a Flight Attendant

Go to a resale store and find an old, navy suit that an army sergeant might have worn. Add a white shirt and a tie. Wear that same outfit for three consecutive days.

Go to an airport and watch airplanes take off for several hours. Pretend you are standing-by hoping to get a seat on one of them and they are all full. Go home. Return to the airport the very next day and do the same thing again.

Fill several large boxes with rocks. Lift them over your head and place them on the top shelf of a closet. Violently shove as many heavy items into the leftover space as you can without anything hanging over the edge of the shelf. Do this until you feel a disc slip in your back.

Turn on a radio. Be sure to set it between stations so there is plenty of static. Turn on the vacuum cleaner and garbage disposal. Run them all night.

Remove the covers from several T.V. entrees. Place them in a hot oven. Leave the food in the oven until it's completely dried out. Remove the hot trays with your bare hands. Serve to your family. Don't include anything for yourself. Serve your family a beverage one hour after they've received their meal. Make them remain in their seats during this time. Ask them to scream at you and complain about the service. Scrounge uneaten rolls off the plates for you to eat 6 hours later when you're really hungry. Place a straight-backed chair in a closet facing a blank wall. Use a belt to strap yourself into it. Eat the rolls you saved from your family's meal.

Ask your family to use the bathroom as frequently as possible. Tell them to remove their shoes and socks before entering, and see who can make the most disgusting mess.

Make a narrow aisle between several dining room chairs and randomly scatter your husband's runners and loafers along the way. Turn off the lights and spend the night walking up and down the aisle while banging your shins against the chair legs and tripping over the shoes. Drink several cups of cold coffee to keep yourself awake.

Gently wake your family in the morning and serve them a muffin in a package. Don't forget to smile and wish them a nice day when they leave for work and school.

After the family leaves, take a suitcase and go out into the yard. If it's not raining, turn on the sprinkler system and stand in the cold for 30 minutes pretending like you're waiting for the crew bus to pick you up for the hotel. Then go inside and wait by your bedroom door for another 30 minutes for an imaginary maid to make up your room.

Change into street clothes and shop for 5 hours. Pick up carry-out food from a local deli or 7-Eleven. Go back home. Sit on your bed and eat your meal. Set your alarm clock for 03:00 am so you'll be ready incase you don't get your wake up call. Repeat the above schedule for three days in a row and you'll be ready to work your first international flight!

(please note: i did NOT write this. i edited bits and pieces, but i cant take credit for the brilliance of this post. sorry to mislead, if i did in fact mislead.)

Monday, December 15, 2008

"The world bursts at the seams with people ready to tell you you're not good enough.
On occasion, some may be correct.
But do not do their work for them.
Seek any job; ask anyone out; pursue any goal.
Don't take it personally when they say "no" -- they may not be smart enough to say "yes."

- Keith Olbermann -

(from an old Starbucks cup i found...)

Friday, December 12, 2008

so now begins that wonderful time of year where sarah has some choices to make.
fun choices, mind you.
choices liiiiiiike.........where does she want to layover during the holidays?

yes yes, if you'll recall, my company does this lovely little thing called Christmas Wish List.
all reserves who are scheduled to work the holidays are free to submit 3 locations (ANYWHERE United flies) where we would like to layover during Christmas.
they will then try their best to give you one of your choices.
now, it doesnt always happen...i've never actually gotten any of the choices ive submitted, BUT i did get NYC my first year and Honolulu last year, so really...i can't complain ;-)

where should i go for Christmas?

this year im gonna keep it a bit more realistic.... i usually throw one wildcard in there, but this year if i do that im gonna stick with a location that we actually fly to out of our base. like Paris.

so......where else should i go?

i wouldnt mind going where i KNOW people, but then, i also dont want to wreck anyone's holiday plans by dropping in unexpectedly and demanding you take me to all your christmas festivities ;-)

so if you have any suggestions, feel free to share!
and i'll let you know where i end up ;-)

Sunday, December 07, 2008

i finished rereading the first Twilight book this morning.
then i read the spoilers for the other 3 books in hopes of curbing my obsession.
i think it worked, actually.
i don't get so sucked in when i know what's going to happen...and now i wont go rushing out for the next one.
i'm hoping, if i DO choose to read the other ones, i can remain comfortably detached from the storyline and not get so entranced.
that was annoying.
and unhealthy.
i'm looking forward to getting back to reality
(well, sort of...)

nothing has been appealing to me lately. life in general has been dismal. i don't know why or when it started...but it's very troublesome.
nothing is fulfilling. everything is a disappointment, if not immediately then in the foreseeable future, which the very thought of inevitably ruins any pleasure i might find in the present.
for example, the thought of any romantic relationship is unappealing.
surely, eventually, it will fail or fall apart (if i ever even enter into one to begin with), love and passion will fade and disappoint, and i'll end up broken. dissatisfied. ugh.
i know that this attitude in particular towards relationships has really only recently been fueled by the infidelity of someone i never would have expected it from... someone who's marriage seemed unshakable because they were both so crazy about each other.
but apparently even the craziest of love isn't enough...
i haven't heard all of the gory details yet, but the very fact of it happening has left me even more hopeless and pessimistic toward love and the institution of marriage.
in a positive twist though, i suppose it further fuels my determination to never settle.
i'm holding out for above and beyond, or i'm going it alone, which is perfectly fine by me.

it doesn't help (returning to the Twilight storyline) that Edward and Bella are like the epitome of perfection, and having just read about them i have to be faced with the imperfections of reality and this recently tainted marriage... it makes it all a bit hard to swallow.
not to mention that Edward and Bella's story is also full of adventure... adventure that very much seems to be lacking in my life right now.
i'm always a sucker for a good adventure, as are probably all the other people who seem to be addicted to this story.
maybe that's WHY it's so addicting...cause our lives are pathetically boring in comparison.

is it bad that falling in love, getting married and having kids isn't an exciting enough story for me? isn't an exciting enough LIFE for me?
it's too boring. too normal. too predictably disappointing.

i guess this is why we have a higher calling in Christ and aren't meant to live for ourselves.
good grief, i think if i didn't have the hope of Christ and living for him as the reasons for my existence, i would be constantly depressed.
i struggle enough while HAVING Him--imagine what kind of shape i'd be in if i didn't!

i need someone to talk to... this is too much emotional turmoil for my lonely little self to handle.

oh and here's another log for the discouragement fire:
mom and i watched It's A Wonderful Life while i was home, and it got me thinking...
if i had never been born, how might things be different for those who are currently around me? WOULD anything be different?
i've never saved anyone's life or helped anyone make any life-altering decisions. at least, not that i can recall...
mom and dad would never have had to fork out $18 grand every year for my college tuition, my nephew wouldn't have an aunt to spoil him,
and i'm totally expendable in my company so its not like the planes would suddenly not be able to fly without me...
my parents would still be divorced, my sister would still be married to her husband and would still have Aiden...and really not much would be affected by my absence.
any role i've ever filled could easily have been filled by another.

its very discouraging to come to grips with how...replaceable you are.
to realize your life doesn't have much impact.

i guess, instead of looking at that thought process in a negative light, though, i should try to use it to inspire me to make my life matter--for more than for my own selfish gain...for eternal significance.

leave it to me to let one of the greatest Christmas movies of all time DISCOURAGE me.

good grief.