do you ever just want to scrap your current life and start over?

sometimes i just get so frustrated with the way things are playing out.... i wish i had some sort of control over it, but of course i don't.
i mean, don't get me wrong... on the whole, life is actually pretty good right now
(well, apart from the whole money thing--namely being that i don't have any)
but all it takes is one little hiccup. actually, just one little GLIMMER of the POSSIBILITY of a hiccup, and suddenly that's all i can think about.
i hate that.

but i'm gonna try to look at the upside and ignore that possibly-crummy part.
cause i really just shouldn't care.
maybe that's what's bothering me--the fact that i care at all.
i'm completely dedicated to not caring about that particular aspect of life.
and yet, here i am, going against everything i've been adamantly against and WANTING something i shouldn't want.
that i DON'T want.

what am i doing?
gosh i'm such a fool...


in other wholly unrelated news,
i'm going gluten free for lent
HA!
no but seriously, i am.
a friend of mine already cant have gluten, so we're used to taking that into consideration when we have parties and whatnot
and now my mom's bein' told by her doc to cut it out of her diet too
so i figure...what better time to give it a whirl and see what that life would be like?

granted, with my job i have a feeling its going to be STINKIN' HARD.
but its only 40 days (less now, actually, since i had a wedding to go to first), and i've been through worse.

so... yeah.
gluten deprivation begins NOW!!


oh yes, and for the first time ever
i get to play Beulah (my guitar, for those of you not keeping up) tomorrow at church.
just for one song that i'm leading, but still.
its thrilling.
and frankly, overwhelmingly terrifying.


yep.