what are you doing with your life?




i know for me the answer is "not enough."

why do we say church is messy when we schedule and plan the heck out of everything? sure, the people are messy, but that could be said of everyone in the world. how is the church different? because the Holy Spirit is our guide? but are we really truly fully surrendered to Him? because sometimes i really wonder.
what controls us--the needs and desires of our members and volunteers? the offense or non-offense of our visitors? the fear of inconveniencing people? of inconveniencing ourselves?

just some things to ponder.

i love these guys.

Obama Releases 500,000 Men From U.S. Strategic Bachelor Reserve

HA! oh how i adore mock news sources.

THIS, however, is as real as it gets. and super precious, to boot

i think i need a GPS. and i think everyone i've ever called when i'm lost would agree with me.


also, this is pretty funny:

Sometimes I wonder when Christ ever struggled with patience and waiting. I mean, he's wrestled with everything we've wrestled with, right? Was it ever hard for him to wait for something--to exercise patience?

I contemplated this for awhile before God brought the story of Lazarus to my mind.
Lazarus and Christ were friends. Jesus loved him and his sisters, Mary and Martha--they were very dear to him.
So how painful must it have been for Christ, even though he knew God was doing this bigger thing, to let his dear friend die when he knew he could just say the word and heal him--to wait, knowing the pain this would cause to the ones he loved.
But God said wait, so he waited. He knew the outcome and the reasons why just as we sometimes do, but that doesnt always make the process easier does it?
So he let death overtake Lazarus, and heartache overtake his sisters.
I think that was much harder for Him to do than we think.

I wonder, does it pain him to make US wait sometimes, knowing we're hurting but urging us to "suffer for a little while" and "endure just a little longer" before He swoops in to save the day?

i hear no bells,
i hear no glory clamor,
just the sound of hearts in rhythm,
ringing in the hour.

halfway through the dismantling process...it's still got mad skills.

mmmmmmmmmmmmm FUN.

uhhhhhh classic

Batter my heart, three-personed God; for You
As yet but knock, breathe, shine, and seek to mend;
That I may rise and stand, o'erthrow me,'and bend
Your force to break, blow, burn, and make me new.
I, like an usurped town, to'another due,
Labor to'admit You, but O, to no end;
Reason, Your viceroy'in me, me should defend,
But is captived, and proves weak or untrue.
Yet dearly'I love You,'and would be loved fain,
But am betrothed unto Your enemy.
Divorce me,'untie or break that knot again;
Take me to You, imprison me, for I
Except You'enthrall me, never shall be free,
Nor ever chaste, except You ravish me.

"sometimes the good that we know is the enemy of the best that God has for us"

allright. im just gonna say it.
i like you. quite a lot, and for some time now.
and it KILLS me that you might move away.
that you would even CONSIDER it makes my insides churn
because that means, quite obviously, that theres nothing here that might entice you to stay--that I am not enough to entice you to stay.
so. that shoots my hopes down, once and for all.

its a tricky thing, hope.
having even the tiniest strand of it can keep you afloat on the abysmal sea of disappointment.
and even though we sometimes doubt our hope is valid and true, its very existence is enough to keep us buoyant.
we'd rather hope--however faintly, even to the point of lying to ourselves--than be faced with the truth indisputable.

and this is the truth indisputable: my admiration is one-sided. you do not return my affection. therefore, its time to abandon this hope, once and for all.

goodbye hope.

i actually made "THE list". i still dont quite know why. God knows my heart. but there it is nonetheless.
i'm getting antsy, but God has been teaching me patience lately (well, he's trying, but im failing miserably)
so now i wait. and trust--OH how hard it is to trust!!
but that's what im called to, so that's what i do.

thank you God for grace.



on a side note, i found some old pay stubs and apparently i got paid more in October of 2006 than in March of 2010. i also worked 92 flight hrs in October of 2006, as opposed to 71 flight hrs in March of 2010. it's amazing what a difference that makes--i rarely hit 75hrs these days...

"Because we live in a culture predicated on instant and superficial gratification, desire has increased while satisfaction has decreased to the point where we are compelled to seek after pleasure like an addict unaware of his condition. Don't be fooled by this comfortable life. It is killing you slowly from the inside out."

so apparently Ovechkin was on my flight from Chicago the other day and i totally didnt realize it was him.
he and his people were traveling together, dressed in Russian Olympian attire--i wanted to say hi to them cause i was like "hey cool, russian olympians!".
but then i saw them in baggage claim and i was like "hmm thats odd...i woulda thought if they were from russia they'd be catching a moscow flight today, not staying....maybe theyre going sightseeing?"
so when i passed by them, i said "Dosvedanya" to him and he whipped around and did a double take and said bye.
i saw him outside too and waved and he gave me that little head jerk thing and a smile. i looked him up when i got home to see what sport they were involved with and BOY did i feel like an idiot.
i totally forgot Ovechkin played for Russia during the olympics!
man!
so many friends who are fans and the moment gets wasted on me.
hah!

well i guess its good to know, if i ever get desperate enough, there are several guys at david's Chipotle who would be happy to take me on a date. O_o
it is also good to know that i will never ever be that desperate.


btw, this article is amazing: http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2010/02/01/AR2010020102067.html



im gettin really amped for the Olympics, as per custom.
Vancouver this year--one of my favorite cities.
maybe there'll be Olympians on my flights.
"we're not worthy! we're not worthy!"

David and Carrie have recently declared me "sporty"
apparently all that's required to earn this label is to enjoy playing tennis, to run/workout semi-regularly, and to take great enjoyment in the Olympics.
who knew?