Here in persistence I've sat on this doorstep and cried
I've pounded
Waiting for answers to questions I would not let die
Confounded
Above all my knocking I hear you
Tell me its time to move on
To abandon the hope I have clung to
Holding out for a key for so long...

If I lay this down for You,
Trusting your wisdom and strength to see me through,
I'd be walking away from my dream and desire
For reasons much higher
Than I could aspire to know,
If I finally let it all go for You...

I thought for awhile you'd come to my senses and see my reasons
With all my persuasion, you'd open eventually,
In season.
Stubborn and certain, I've pleaded,
Knocking with all of my might
Sure this was all that I needed
For an echo of hope I have tried

If I lay this down for You,
Trusting your wisdom and strength to see me through,
I'd be walking away from my dream and desire
For reasons much higher
Than I could aspire to know,
If I finally let it all go for You...

good gracious, thats SO hard to do.
to let it go...even for a prize as great as Him.
makes me wonder what i need to lay down....
so many aspirations and desires lie within my heart...and who knows? maybe he desires to give them to me.
but then again, maybe theyre things i need to let go of for good...

much easier said than done.


a rather thought-provoking statement recently crossed my path:
"Don't assume that every bright and noble idea in a godly man's mind is of Me."

there seem to be a good number of "noble ideas" floating around in my head, things i want to do for God.
but if he hasn't called me to do them and yet i DO, then i'm going against his will for me,
and that's straight up disobedience.


hmm...
really makes you think twice, doesn't it?





so....i still need to do my taxes.
im really an idiot for waiting this long....
i also need to move..
and do my IPTE training for our new aircraft....
and do my online "homework" for my recurrent safety training at the end of this month...
and play Beulah, and study Russian, and get a new cell phone, and do my bible study homework..and return my jeans...and pay my bills....and get a picture re-framed.....and lose weight.......and decide if i'm going to photograph Nichole's wedding...........

ohhhhhh lordy, i'm over it all already.



guide me, sweet Jesus.