off to Derby again, as of 6:04 this evening. i cant believe its been almost 3 years.... wow. God is good. you know, i think the issue i have with doing wedding photography is the whole public display of affection thing. unless its in a movie, i dont want to see it. well, lets amend that...handholding is fine. but anything beyond that and i get uncomfortable witnessing it first hand. so... i guess thats a lovely little hurdle that im just gonna have to get over. pray i dont botch this up.

Though the fig tree does not bud
and there are no grapes on the vines,
though the olive crop fails
and the fields produce no food,
though there are no sheep in the pen
and no cattle in the stalls,

yet I will rejoice in the LORD,
I will be joyful in God my Savior.

The Sovereign LORD is my strength;
he makes my feet like the feet of a deer,
he enables me to go on the heights.

Habakkuk 3:17-19

and, just for kicks:

PS 50:1 Бог Богов, Господь возглаголал и призывает землю, от восхода солнца до запада.
PS 50:2 С Сиона, который есть верх красоты, является Бог,
PS 50:3 (49-3) грядет Бог наш, и не в безмолвии: пред Ним огонь поядающий, и вокруг Его сильная буря.
PS 50:4 (49-4) Он призывает свыше небо и землю, судить народ Свой:
PS 50:5 (49-5) `соберите ко Мне святых Моих, вступивших в завет со Мною при жертве`.
PS 50:6 (49-6) И небеса провозгласят правду Его, ибо судия сей есть Бог

Psalm 50:1-6

m o n d a y :

my laptop crashes.
everything--my pictures, my music, my photo editing programs, my word documents--everything is sucked into a virtual black hole of oblivion.
frantic chaos ensues.

t u e s d a y :

computer goes into the shop.
they'll call within 3-5 business days.

w e d n e s d a y :

i get assigned a 5 day international trip.
what timing.
not only can i not be available when the computer guys may call to authorize repairs (PLEASE God, let it be repairable), but that also means that by the time i get back, i will have only 1.5 days before i leave for England to shoot Nicole's wedding....with no hope of a computer to put the pictures on, edit them, make a cd of final copies for the bride.....
i also have to hastily book my transportation to Derby (mooching off my roomie's laptop for 2 hours) once i arrive at Heathrow (do i take the bus? the train? which is cheaper? what if we're delayed? are the tickets refundable? what do you mean my credit card is declined?)


sooooooooooo much fun, i cannot even begin to tell you.

but God and i had this conversation:

"WHY does it have to be FIVE DAYS, Lord?!
and why why WHY must it be OUT OF THE COUNTRY?!?
im a ship with no sails here...a boat without a paddle, flailing about with no.."

"Do you trust Me?"

"..yes...."

"Ok then. Trust me."



"ok."








that aside, i think i may have also completely botched up a perfectly good friendship
suck.

du journal, le 5 Juillet 2008

here's a story of a classic french moment:

Just now, as I'm sitting on this bench in the park, a man (probably in his mid thirties) approaches pushing two young children in a stroller.
He stops in front of me, leans on the stroller handles and asks, "American?"
I respond yes.
"Beautiful?" referring to me. (love how he phrases it as question)
I chuckle and shake my head no.
"No? Not beautiful? Ohhhh", he smiles. "What you do in Paris?"
I pause my ipod, smile, and say, "Flight attendant."
"Fly?" He makes a motion with his hand. "You fly in planes?"
I nod.
"Ahhh." Big smile. "How long you stay in Paris?"
"I was here all day," I explain, "and leave tomorrow morning."
"Ahhh I see, I see. Well. You are very beautiful," he says, still smiling.
I laugh and wave as he and the kids start to roll away.
"Au revoir", I smile.
He winks, and theyre gone.



only in Paris.

love this girl.
and the picture.
and the city it was taken in.


anyone wanna move to portland with me?

i just bought these shoes on Zappos.com





woo!!

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/25083833/

this actually made me chuckle

mostly, though, because of how it totally outs our upper management as being a) responsible for our current mess, and b) just plain insane.


brilliant.







(Lord, whats my next move? im ready for something to happen. something big, exciting...different.
at least, i THINK im ready...)

can you honestly say, with enthusiasm and sincerity, that you LOVE your life?

the closest i can get is that i like it a good deal...most of the time.
its not bad.....

truly though, why is it so hard to LOVE my life?
(this is me, asking myself. because i dont know.)



i think theres a difference between loving life and loving YOUR life.
im all about life. i think its awesome. im a big fan of the living dealio.
but when it comes to MY life--where i am right at this very moment
i dont know..
im satisfied. content. (at least, 95% so)
but LOVING it...?

well, heres a question: does loving it mean theres nothing about it that you would want to change?
hmmm...

man, honestly, anytime i feel a little glum, all i need to do is look at pictures of my nephew and inevitably it makes me smile.
he's just so freaking cute
see for yourself:




























told ya

today i really started to wonder what i would do if i no longer had the job that i have.

as many of you have probably heard by now, my company (United Airlines) is cutting a lot of jobs (900-1600, various reports say).
while i have yet to discover if my job is in jeopardy,
it has gotten me thinking of what my next move may be
should God decide this is no longer where he wants me to be

would i move back to Fort Wayne?
(maybe just for a little while?...for grandpa's sake, mostly)
or would i stay in Virginia, with the church i have come to love so much?
how would i handle being so far from my family, should i choose to stay?
would i have to get a REAL job?
would i possibly consider the mission field once more?
would i possibly go somewhere else entirely and start a whole new life?

the options are thrilling and terrifying all at the same time.
thank God none of this is in my hands! i rest secure in the hands of the Lover of my Soul.
He knows what's best for me, and will do what's best for me

and because of that, i am content.




in other news, im terribly sad they're taking Men in Trees off the air
but i do look forward to seeing how they wrap it up.
i guess this means one less hour will be sucked out of my life via visual entertainment.

thats just swell.


soon to come:
pictures of the nephew.
and maybe some of the Louvre, but the nephew is far more enthralling :-)

ok
im doin' Los's lil Ragamuffintop Challenge

i dont know if i'll be able to post a photo every week
(dare i be so bold?)
but im definitely in.

goal weight: 130
timeframe: however freaking long it takes!

the last time i was that thin, i wasnt treating my body well at all.
im not going through that again...
this time, its good, its real, its HEALTHY, and its with the support of other lovely bloggers who want to start treating their bodies better

my obvious conundrum will be figuring out how to handle my diet when im working.
this job is the WORST for eating well,
cause sometimes your only options are to starve or to eat one of the ugly sugar-inflated donuts that the captain just bought for your crew...
and when youre gone for days on end, you can only bring so much of your own food...

but by golly, im gonna give it a whirl.
20lbs, my friends.
20lbs....starting now.


today: started in Vegas.
worked out in the morning, but not for too long...
half hour or so.
ate 2 sugar free Jello cups (60 calories each)
and an apricot dried fruit bar (35 cals)
left for the airport at 11:45am (vegas time)
got a sub at Quiznos (im tellin ya, this is how i live. we dont have a lot of options)
got a yogurt at Starbucks
flew from Vegas to Dulles...got in around 9pm
got home around 10ish
made myself a peanut butter and jelly sandwich
and ate a huge bowl of my homemade veggie soup (AMAZING stuff--just tomatoes, squash, zuccini, onions, and spices)
...and then ate some peanut butter straight from the jar.
(yes, im one of those)

not the best day, food wise, but pretty typical....one might even call it one of my BETTER food days
(you dont want to know what i had for dinner last night.
it would break your heart)


dont worry, i wont give you a rundown EVERY day.
it helped to lay it all out to begin with though

this tears me up every time...

i am in desperate need of a grocery excursion.
beyond desperate, actually.
the other night, i ate an entire bag of broccoli for dinner.
cause thats what i have.
broccoli...
and oatmeal.

i DO have some bisquick that is usually reserved for making quiches, but tonight i broke down and made pancakes.
cause there was literally nothing else.
and, because i had no maple syrup, i mixed in a little cinnamon and sugar, and drizzled 'em lightly with honey.
not bad, actually.
but seriously. i need something a little more...balanced.




so im kinda sad Whiteboard is over.
im probably the only one who feels that way, considering there were beacoup amounts of people who did SO much more work than i did (and on MUCH less sleep, mind you) who are probably happy to finally have it over with...
but really...it was nice to have something to look forward to, you know?
some new event, new experience, new thing to be a part of.
and it was awesome meeting so many other people who shared that same intense passion to see Jesus glorified in our generation.
i mean, those speakers were amazing! i was so challenged, and im not even a pastor or leader of any sort, really

and i gotta say....it was such a rush to sing in front of that crowd.
i mean, WHOA.
God totally rocked it.
not a lick of it was us, and thats what made it SO freaking cool.

yeah.


on a totally unrelated note (as per sarah custom),
my crew and i got randomly drug tested after we finished our trip today.
we pulled into Baltimore Airport, the passengers got off, and naturally, since we all live quite a ways away from BWI, we all went to the bathroom before we ourselves deplaned.
we walk onto the jetbridge and who's there to greet us?
the Substance Abuse Mafia.
meh.
2 hours later, after we've downed enough Diet Coke to produce adequate samples and signed all our rights away, we are finally released into the teeming throngs of the glorious holiday-weekend traffic.
fortunately, our "collection" party delayed us enough that i think we missed the bulk of it.....well, all of us but the girl heading home to Annapolis.
she was pretty much screwed either way.


and that, my friends, is the end of the story.




[i need something new to look forward to.]

office humor

Airline Safety Procedures, compliments of Airtoons.com:



















heh heh heh
office humor, flight attendant style ;-)

to those who are wondering:
no.




so lately ive been developing some rather pesky celebrity crushes.
its annoying to me, cause i know theyre just people like the rest of us, and i know a million other girls out there are probably sharing in my same sentiments.
but truly... i REALLY liked Jason Castro.
and Jim Sturgess in Across the Universe.
and now, having just seen Prince Caspian (VERY good movie, i might add), im finding myself to be quite desirous to have Ben Barnes come in and sweep me off my feet.
granted, i know hes just a normal dude...i think it was his character and the looks in his eyes that we the audience got to observe--it was THOSE things that got to me.
that, and his hair.
good gracious, thats a good head.

(i think im ready to be swept away)


speaking of good heads,
i got a trim:





(it seems im always wearing that shirt when i take pictures, doesnt it?)

its hard to tell in the pictures...its not shorter at all, just cut differently.
lots of oomphy layers up top, severely thinned layers at the bottom
not like you care....im just saying.




i think people like Little Miss Sunshine because it's "cool" to like Little Miss Sunshine.
its the indie thing to do.
same goes for...well, a lot of things, really.
with movies, its Little Miss Sunshine (was NOT impressed at all), Finding Neverland (hate it), the Garden State (eh.)
etc etc etc
tv shows... Seinfeld (its a freaking show about nothing, and it feels like it)
world issues... global warming and going "green".
yes, its good to love and take care of the earth the Lord gave us, but i'll bet you anything that more people out there are doing it because it's the "in" thing to do and because you're practically looked at like a amoral peon if you dont.
also, bands.
the Decemberists. Death Cab for Cutie. Jack Johnson and John Mayer (im sorry, but they bore me)
not a fan. but we put them on our favorites list cause our trendy friends say theyre cool and we want to be like our fellow trendy people.
blah blah blah.
(and dont get me started on Macs... unless you're a designer of some sort, you have no viable reason to blow 1500 bucks on a laptop)

i know ive said pretty much all of that before.
but its worth reiteration.


(btw, i AM entitled to my opinion. so dont get all huffy if youre a mac freak who cant afford a new pair of tennis shoes. just let it be, and dont rain on my parade.)

i am not pleased with this day.

this is the day everything breaks.
including me.
i didnt get home from work the last night (saturday) til 2am (sunday).
i had to be up at 6.
sarah on 4 hours of sleep isnt something you want to come across very often...

nothing went smoothly at church... well, i mean, some things did of course
but the kindergarten people had issues with the projector,
we had a handful of sound difficulties,
when i went to grab a microphone on stage, the cord popped off and the mic hit me in the lip
we forgot words, chords were an occasional struggle...
and my low notes were ATROCIOUS

then a woman breaks my camera on the plane.
she was reaching for her own bag in the overhead bin and inadvertently pulled mine out with it.
it tumbled the five feet to the floor, to my insurmountable despair.
i could hardly hold back the tears as i struggled to un-jam the lens cap
and observed the shattered filter underneath.
im praying thats the only thing wrong with it...
unfortunately its still gonna be a miracle if someone can get the thing OFF.
its jammed on harder than the lens cap.... :-/

oh yes, and our flight from Dulles to Chicago was also delayed 2 hours due to the lovely weather in the midwest.
my Fort Wayne flight was, in turn, canceled (because of the same weather).
so now i have to wait for the 9:20 flight and DESPERATELY hope i can somehow make it on,
even though its already booked at 54 out of 50 with 4 standbys.

i may be spending the night in the Chicago airport.
oh the joy.

i hereby reiterate my opening statement.

this just in:


come October, my airline will begin flying trips to
MOSCOW!

i dont really expect you to understand why im so excited about this.
it's ok that you don't.
im freaking ECSTATIC nonetheless!


we're also going to start flying to Dubai.
but im more excited about Russia.




bring it on.

Thrice really blows me away sometimes...

// SILVER WINGS //


From tender years you took me for granted
But still I deigned to wander through your lungs.
While you were sleeping soundly in your bed,
(Your drapes were silver wings, your shutters flung)

I drew the poison from the summer's sting,
And eased the fire out of your fevered skin.
I moved in you and stirred your soul to sing;
And if you'd let me I would move again.

I've danced 'tween sunlit strands of lover's hair;
Helped form the final words before your death.
I've pitied you and plied your sails with air;
Gave blessing when you rose upon my breath.

And after all of this I am amazed,
That I am cursed far more than I am praised.

(after all You've done for me, my Jesus....I'm amazed too.)

L I F E U P D A T E

*this is for Dr. Cook (since i know you love so much to read about my life)*

// zee job //

i havent really been anywhere of interest lately.
i had Frankfurt a few times
(i still havent bought that gnome..)
brought back german gummy bears that went over RIDICULOUSLY well with the church folks (particularly the worship team and my roommates. as ally claims "GERMAN CRACK! IT'S GERMAN CRACK!")

apart from that though, ive done several one-day turns (where you go someplace then turn right around and come back)
theyre definitely not my favorite, but they give me decent hours.
ooh but here's something interesting: i was the aft purser on our new 747 aircraft...which means i was basically the second FA in command on the biggest plane in our fleet--the big ol' double decker one you see in the movies



needless to say, that was INTENSE.
the rest of the FAs (apart from the main purser, who was only a few months senior to me) were only 3 WEEKS OUT OF TRAINING!
INSANE!!

oh and i had RET, which is my recurrent safety training that i have to pass every year
you know, simulate an emergency evacuation, open my doors & say my commands properly depending on the scenario im faced with, fire the fire extinguishers, get recertified on CPR... all that good stuff.

i passed it all.
yay.

so thats whats new on the job front.


// everything else //

as far as the rest of life goes...

i am still single (yes yes, tis true. i mean, why break tradition, ya know?)
i am 25 years old (and some change)
i have successfully moved all my schtuff into my new abode.
pictures soon to come...


i gotta admit, its slightly discouraging to realize that seemingly everyone is a photographer these days.
makes me feel very inadequate.
i am going to a lighting seminar this Sunday, though.
should (hopefully) be inspirational and motivational...(rather than intimidating.)



80's music is my current groove as of late.
the most recent mix:

// Dancing With Myself
// Heaven Is a Place On Earth
// Don't You Forget About Me
// Come On Eileen
// 99 Red Balloons
// You Spin Me Round [Like A Record]
// Walk Like An Egyptian
// Billie Jean
// Video Killed the Radio Star
// Take On Me
// Dance Hall Days
// Girls Just Wanna Have Fun
// Love Is A Battlefield
// [I Just] Died In Your Arms
// Don't You Want Me
// Hit Me With Your Best Shot
// Venus
// Show Me


brilliancy.

i did also happen to pick up Mew's Frengers album, which i am a dear, dear fan of now.
however..not so terribly impressed with the new Panic! album.
and Shiny Toy Guns...eh.



i plugged in at practice on Wednesday.
it felt SO good to play in a band again...
matt claims im going to be taking over his job soon.
HA!


ive been really caught up on American Idol lately.
i never used to watch it, but this season too many people i know have watched it in my presence, so much so that ive developed favorites and now i HAVE to watch it.
drat.
i really like Castro, but i'm a bit biased. he's cute and he loves Jesus.
thats not enough reason for him to win--though i DO like his style and sound...but i dont think enough of america is backing him.
same goes for Syesha.
Cook will probably end up on top.
and Archuleta will go sign a contract with the Disney Channel until he can successfully grow facial hair.
at least, thats how i see it.



do you ever look at the face of an ex and think: "i've kissed that"
doesn't it just weird you out?
especially if they're married now...

ugh.

waiting

then



and now



the years have definitely changed us, but most assuredly for the better.
she is and always will be one of my very favorites :-)


. . . .


do you ever feel like youre wasting your life WAITING for things?

it seems that truly, the majority of my life is spent waiting.
where i work is essentially a waiting room, if you think about it.
we're always waiting for the planes, then waiting for the passengers to get off, then waiting for them to get on, then waiting for the next flight...and we work during the "wait" from one destination to the next, then wait to land and wait to take off again....

and in life im waiting for the next move. the next job. the next task, the next door to open, the next STEP.
(because this isnt where im supposed to be forever...right, Lord..?)

and in my lack-o-love-life, im waiting for the "right" one to come along. and waiting to be ready when(/if) he does (cause im sure as heck not ready now. surprisingly.)

we wait for our mail, for the traffic light, for the next opportunity, for that second smile, for the phone to ring, for the day to be over, for our turn in the game, for results, for a chance to relax, for our turn in the grocery line, for our meals to finish cooking, for the day when we can embrace our loved ones again...

its so very very hard to WAIT.

im not really sure what my point is in all of this....
just that...im sick of waiting.
i dont want to see my life in this way.
i want to see the "waiting" as time to make things happen.
i want to SEIZE this life.
i want to ENJOY it.
waiting doesnt have to be waiting.
we trivialize it to be that, but we should instead be viewing the waiting as just another opportunity to do something else...
yes?

is this making any sense?

thoughts please.